You're Not Very Easy To Forget

 I lay in bed last night and listened to the slow breathing of my mother and sister sleeping on the bed. As usual, I was on the mattress on the floor, surrounded by my pillows. Ever since mum decided that she wanted us all to stay in one room together, it has been harder for me to just cry myself to sleep...

I curled up towards one side of the mattress, pulling my blanket close to me. I was facing away from the bed. I didn't want anyone to see me because I had a feeling in my gut that something was about to happen and out of nowhere, the tears came. These days all my tears are for you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you for the tears. I just can't control the emotions that come flowing freely at night.

I can get a grip of them during the day. I can put on a straight face and lie to myself in the mirror that I'm starting to be okay. I can tell myself that I have better things to do than mope around. I can tell myself that I have to be strong, that I have to pick up the pieces. That's one of the last things you told me, wasn't it? You told me "I want you to be strong, I need you to be strong and move on..."

Move on... Move on... Move on...

That's been my mantra since Monday and it hasn't been working well so far...

How do I move on when I don't want to move on from loving you?

Then again, nothing lasts forever...

Happy 27th Monthsary, my love.
If only we were still together...