It's January 2016 and being my usual impulsive self, I've decided to write a new blog entry on a whole new blog. I've been blogging for as long as I can remember. I started with Tumblr and reblogged a lot of shit over there, then I moved onto something fun & girly on my beauty blog and now I'm here... Exactly where, I don't really know. All I know is that I wanted somewhere where I can post whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want. I wanted the freedom to cuss like I don't care at all. I wanted the freedom to write without having to worry about what photos to post along. I finally feel that this is where I can do just that...
I think deep inside I blame the fact that I'm going through something personal but that's a story for an entirely different post. Right now I'm just here to get the ball rolling. I don't know if people will ever start reading this since I'm not sure if I'll ever start sharing posts from here on my social media accounts. I'm not sure if that's what I want right now. The Janna a.k.a. Jannie that will be posting here will be a different person from the one posting on my other blogs... There's so much about me that's still bottled up inside... But let's start breaking down the walls, shall we?
Here's a CURRENTLY post, to christen a new chapter of my life on the internet...
Reading : "Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys"
My little sister gave me this book a couple of Christmases ago. To be honest I forgot that I even had it and I'm still trying to grasp what it's all about.
Writing : This blog post.
Listening To : Out Of The Woods by Taylor Swift... & Same Old Love by Selena Gomez
Listen to it, I've taken the time to embed it into this post courtesy of YouTube. I've been listening to it non stop the past few days... Trying to drown out the pain.
Smelling : Mothballs. My mother is in the bedroom next to where my iMac is located and she's rummaging through my piles of trash in the hopes she can throw out the skeletons I've hidden in my closet. Good luck mum, really.
Wearing : A ratty old shirt and a pair of shorts. The same thing I've had on since last night. I haven't showered for today and I don't really want to. My clothes smell of tears from last night and I look like shit but it's comforting wearing old clothes... I think it's the familiarity of the cloth molding onto your skin... A sense of security wrapping around you.
Thinking : About him. All my stupid freakin' thoughts are of him and it's eating me up inside... I'm trying my best to keep busy, to get him off my mind but he's like this worm, crawling at the back of my head, inching his way out where I feel the pain over and over again.
*sigh* This post is starting to sound so melodramatic. I better get my shit together...
CURRENTLY...
Feeling : Nothing & everything at the same time.
Loving : Need I say more? *deep sad sigh* I love him and I guess that's why I feel nothing and everything...
Wanting : One last chance. Something that I don't deserve. Like seriously, it's like I'm already on my knees right now...
Needing : Sleep... Like a 25 hour sleep fest where I drown myself in my pillows and comforter. I want the air-conditioning on full till the air is so cold you can barely breathe... Till the tiled floor is shivering... Till the windows creak... Till everything just fades away...
I think deep inside I blame the fact that I'm going through something personal but that's a story for an entirely different post. Right now I'm just here to get the ball rolling. I don't know if people will ever start reading this since I'm not sure if I'll ever start sharing posts from here on my social media accounts. I'm not sure if that's what I want right now. The Janna a.k.a. Jannie that will be posting here will be a different person from the one posting on my other blogs... There's so much about me that's still bottled up inside... But let's start breaking down the walls, shall we?
Here's a CURRENTLY post, to christen a new chapter of my life on the internet...
Reading : "Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys"
My little sister gave me this book a couple of Christmases ago. To be honest I forgot that I even had it and I'm still trying to grasp what it's all about.
Writing : This blog post.
Listening To : Out Of The Woods by Taylor Swift... & Same Old Love by Selena Gomez
Listen to it, I've taken the time to embed it into this post courtesy of YouTube. I've been listening to it non stop the past few days... Trying to drown out the pain.
Smelling : Mothballs. My mother is in the bedroom next to where my iMac is located and she's rummaging through my piles of trash in the hopes she can throw out the skeletons I've hidden in my closet. Good luck mum, really.
Wearing : A ratty old shirt and a pair of shorts. The same thing I've had on since last night. I haven't showered for today and I don't really want to. My clothes smell of tears from last night and I look like shit but it's comforting wearing old clothes... I think it's the familiarity of the cloth molding onto your skin... A sense of security wrapping around you.
Thinking : About him. All my stupid freakin' thoughts are of him and it's eating me up inside... I'm trying my best to keep busy, to get him off my mind but he's like this worm, crawling at the back of my head, inching his way out where I feel the pain over and over again.
*sigh* This post is starting to sound so melodramatic. I better get my shit together...
CURRENTLY...
Feeling : Nothing & everything at the same time.
Loving : Need I say more? *deep sad sigh* I love him and I guess that's why I feel nothing and everything...
Wanting : One last chance. Something that I don't deserve. Like seriously, it's like I'm already on my knees right now...
Needing : Sleep... Like a 25 hour sleep fest where I drown myself in my pillows and comforter. I want the air-conditioning on full till the air is so cold you can barely breathe... Till the tiled floor is shivering... Till the windows creak... Till everything just fades away...
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